We are saddened to announce the death of Madison Holmes, who passed away on July 11, 2025 in Newport, Kentucky. Madison was a dedicated purveyor of alcoholism, and took great pride in her work. She was known for her attention to detail, and being bad at texting.

Outside of work, Madison enjoyed hobbies such as reading and “rolling fatties.” She found solace in maintaining a clean and organized space, and would often spend hours immersed in good book.

Tragically, Madison's life was cut short when she was buried under what police described as “a mountain of liquor bottles” which had amassed and collapsed in her apartment.

“It was like a big jenga tower,” one investigator said.

Her untimely passing has left a void in the hearts of all who knew her, and Marx Cromer residents wonder who will be spying on them completely naked from the third floor. Madison will be missed, but her legacy will live on in the hearts of all who knew her