We are gathered here today to bid farewell to Jeffery Cramer, a man who managed to avoid all responsibility and accountability for 64 years. Born on December 14, 1960, in Austin, Texas, Jeffery was the beloved son of Earl and Jane Craymond.

Jeffery leaves behind two unsuspecting children, Jacqueline and Joseph, who were constantly baffled by his ability to shirk any and all duties as a parent. Jacqueline is survived by her husband Justin, who Jeffery managed to disappoint on numerous occasions. Meanwhile, Joseph is survived by his wife Jazimine, who never quite understood why Jeffery couldn't even remember his own grandchildren's names.

In his 64 years of life, Jeffery managed to achieve absolutely nothing of note. His obituary is just as unremarkable as his existence. So here lies Jeffery Cramer, who will be remembered for absolutely nothing. May he rest in eternal mediocrity.