My god, I miss you. Every single minute of every single day, I yearn for you. I feel like I'm going crazy without my best friend to talk to. I feel like my entire life's structure has just crumbled.

And here I stand with Jesse, Emilie, Nathan, and Austin amongst the pieces of what once was our life together. For 21 years I've been under your wing, safe and sound. To not be there anymore is a terror all its own. I can't sleep, I can hardly eat, Mom...I need you.

I've never felt closer to, or more loved, than my mom made me feel everyday of my life. I had an amazing childhood full of love, adventure, music, love, and comfort. It was perfect. Mom played bass and guitar alongside my Dad, who sang and played lead guitar. They were so in love, so in sync, and so talented. From the time I was able to understand the world around me, all I knew was love; the love they had for each other; the love they put into their home down to the hand-crocheted baby blankets so they could literally wrap us up in LOVE.

I told my Mom a million times how grateful and blessed I felt to have had the perfect, most loving childhood, and the perfect, most amazing parents. But still, I feel like screaming it at the top of my lungs, "I LOVE YOU PUDDIN' THANK YOU FOR BEING THE GREATEST MOM TO EVER LIVE! I WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU. FOREVER MY MOM YOU WILL STAY. ALWAYS YOUR BABY I WILL BE." I told her (and showed her) that I loved her every single day, but trust me, it will never feel like enough.

She was beautiful, loving, talented, smarter than anyone I know, clever, funny, and MY BEST FRIEND, MY MOMMY, MY WHOLE WORLD. Now I feel completely lost.  And how could we not? You were a sea of honesty, integrity, beauty, and never-ending love. I don't know if you can see Facebook posts in Heaven but Puddin, we love you. We need you to guide us and watch us closely, as we try to navigate through life. Please mom, wrap us up in love again, let us feel you here, close by. I love you Puddin, always, no matter what.