Saturday, June 20th 2015, I found out my mother had passed away. It feels like a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I keep waiting for her to text me again...to tell me she is okay and that she still plans to come to Maryland and meet Hannah when she is born. We became a lot closer through the pregnancy, we talked almost every day about plans, motherhood, love, and forgiveness.

Now all I can do is keep those good memories alive and pass that motherly love down to Hannah. Tomorrow is my due date. I need to be strong and healthy for my daughter now. I will make sure she knows how much her grandmother loved her. Speaking openly about things usually helps me and besides, I am a writer.

And to my family- I thank you all for being there for me through this. Jon Shiff my husband has been holding my hand through this. I guess there is no "right" or "appropriate" time for someone's death. There is no way to be prepared or content. There is no way to calm down...or just forget. I can't change what happened and I couldn't have prevented it either. I just want everyone to know that regardless of her past, her mistakes, her flaws, my mom had a great heart. She had the potential to be the mother I always wanted just by wanting to be there for Hannah. I will always love her. God I miss her.